Mrs Unhelpful

I'm getting things off my chest. 

In some senses I'm glad I hurt my back last year, it gave me the break I didn't know I needed, and a chance to reset, to change the order of my weeks and to get some clarity. 

Days at the charity shop are now enjoyable. I don't have, or want, any of the responsibilities I had before, and now I'm not as involved, I feel less stressed and far more productive, both at home and at work. Being less involved with the details of everything means I can just get on with the job I'm there to do, I don't need to know about everything else, it's nothing to do with me.

I'm trying to apply this approach to other areas of life, it sounds a bit selfish when written down but I've found saying no to people doesn't seem to bother them at all, they just move on to the next person, so all that time spent feeling bad about it was a massive waste of time. As I think I've said before, I've come to notice that a lot of the time when people make an offer it's often a favour to them as it is to me.

Take the television that's currently in a cupboard under the stairs. Dan's dad offered it to us and when Dan mentioned it I said I didn't want it. Dan, for some reason, adopted my failed policy of doing something for an easy life and agreed to take it, it's far too big for the room and much too heavy for our tv unit. But now whenever he speaks to his dad he brings up this television and is even suggesting where we might look for a replacement tv stand. 

Not only am I not rearranging my room for something we don't need and didn't want in the first place, I am annoyed that we have this white elephant because his dad just wanted to get rid of it but couldn't be bothered to take it to a charity shop himself. We spoke about it with Dan's mum who was trying to make up excuses we could give for why it's not in the house, and at that point I spat out my dummy - I'm not making up some ridiculous story when the answer is I DON'T WANT IT, and further more you know I don't want (or need) it, you're not being generous, you're saving yourself a job. It's our house and no-one else is going to dictate what we have in it. 

Usually, the afternoon before someone comes to visit I spend some time cleaning (and tidying if needed), when my smallest nieces come to visit I spend quite a bit of time cleaning the bedrooms as they always want to be in those rooms. But this time I thought, I don't want them to be in those rooms, why am I performing jobs I see as low priority just because two noisy whirlwinds want to create chaos? Yes, it is a good job I'm not a parent isn't it! 

So I deep cleaned the kitchen and watched ER instead. Not that cleaning the kitchen is something I was excited to do, but neither the kitchen nor the dining area ceiling lights work so there had been a lot lurking in the shadows! And they did indeed want to get into the spare bedrooms and complained that they were a mess, as I'd crammed loads of stuff into the rooms so they couldn't mess about in them, then caused a distraction by suggesting we make bread - worked a treat.

Not forgetting using the mute/block functions on social media. 

The saying you teach people how to treat you really rings true in my case, being a little bit selfish can make relationships better.